I'll Even Spare You the Catastrophes Involving Bodily Fluids

Everyone in the house got sick last weekend. This is pretty much the worst thing that can happen because little people are a challenge on a good day. Throw in fever and aches and pains and coughs that they can't wrap their fevered little minds around and it's like trying to reason with a grizzly. Throw in potty training? It's like giving that grizzly a stun gun and telling it to go after Mama Bear.

Yes. The weekend really was that bad.

Avery kicked things off. And her attempts at infecting Owen, including chewing on teething rings and sharing, and coughing within an inch of his face, worked wonderfully and he started getting the sniffles too.

Poor little buddy.

So Monday rolled around. And I thought things would surely look brighter. After all, it couldn't get worse. Couldn't get worse than 103 degree fever. Couldn't get worse than Owen up practically every hour. Couldn't get worse than spending half the day in the bathroom with an Avery who will sit contentedly on the potty for an ETERNITY and then will pee the very second she stands up.

Everyone was feeling less feverish but still crummy. But bright spot: I had an appointment with the appliance repairman who was supposed to fix our refrigerator! The top shelf or part thereof had broken, thus we no longer had the shelf nor the drawer that houses all of our very important cheese. So the repairman shows up, I hear drilling, I hear fixing. He tells me that he fixed the side support for the shelf, but "this front part isn't covered...we'd have to order a whole new shelf to fix the front." I'm like, OK. Well, as long as it's fixed, I don't really care if there is this plastic part around the shelf itself.

He leaves. And I go to put the drawer back in. And the problem is exactly the same as before he showed up. The side support pulls away from the shelf; drawer not supported at all.

Problem, unresolved. I'm gonna need some of that Cool Whip.

I go outside to confront him Jersey-style and he sheepishly says, "Yeah...see, that front part supports everything...I was afraid of that...I'll have to get you a price on the part because it's not covered."

Yes. He did in fact admit to "fixing" my refrigerator when he knew it wasn't fixed in any way, shape or form. And 2) What good does spending $100 on a warranty do if it doesn't cover anything? My brain kind of exploded.

But I carried on with my day! I persevered! No appliance repairman with a shoddy work ethic will ruin my day!

So Avery naps, I deal with a couple of Owen "mishaps," and I take advantage of a napping Avery and do a video for work. I'm thinking I can still win here. I have the afternoon planned because I must go to the grocery store. I'd been putting it off because of the issue with the fridge, but it could be procrastinated no longer.

And then Avery gets up from her nap. And this is the mood I get.

And then I eat a cracker. Because sometimes mommy wants a cracker too. And I get this:

 

 Because if this isn't a totally normal reaction to someone eating a cracker, I don't know what is.

But even in the face of...this...I fail to give up. Because there are groceries to be bought! Must buy the groceries!

So I convince Avery that the grocery store is the most! fun! ever! and get her in the van. I grab Owen's car seat to load him up. And fall so incredibly hard right on my ass at the top of the stairs.

I had Owen in front of me and my purse on my right shoulder. As I was heading down the stairs, my purse got caught on the doorknob, yanking me back as I started down. All of a sudden I was on the ground (a common theme for me), Owen's car seat was on my leg, and Owen was looking at me totally unimpressed.

I would like to say that only my pride was injured, but it kinda hurt to land with a 20+ pound car seat on my knee.

My knees are always knobby, but the bruise isn't usually there.

Believe it or not, I still had the grocery store trip in me. Avery yelled the whole way there that she wanted out of her car seat, yet I refused to call the day a total wash. I get to the store and realize that I'd forgotten the baby carrier, so I wouldn't be able to strap Owen to me. This meant that he would take up the whole cart and Avery would take up the whole front basket part of the cart. Even here I'm like, Nope, DOING THIS THING. I will just pack as much food as possible around both of the kids!

I get Owen in the cart. I get Avery in the cart. Then Avery pulls her best diva "Oh helllz no" and starts trying to stand up in the cart. This is finally when I'm like "Oh hellz no" myself. Because I will put up with a lot in a day, but I apparently draw the line at dragging two kids through the grocery store when one of them wants to holler about their wish to escape the whole time and just might jump out for real. So I loaded them right back up just as quickly as I'd unloaded them.

Then we went to the park where Avery behaved like a normal human and I managed not to injure or maim myself further.

I did finally make it to the store after the kids went to bed. And got home to discover that in my feeling like a world conqueror for getting my work video done, I'd totally forgotten that I still had writing to do for the next day. A case of the Mondays? I think it qualifies.