2-Year-Old To-Dos

They don't look completely crazy because you might try to send them back. Just kidding. HA. HA.

The to-do list in a 2-year-old's brain must go a little something like this:

Eat
Watch Elmo
Torture parents
Tantrum
Be adorable
Watch Elmo
Eat
Say adorable things
Torture parents
Beg for more food
Kiss Owen
Bring out toys while mommy puts toys away
Tantrum
Bring out more of the cuteness
Act like I'm going to climb out of the crib
Go all the way upstairs, faster than daddy, get in Owen's room, shut the door behind self, poke Owen in the face
Tantrum
Watch Elmo
Torture parents
More cuteness, must balance torture
Poke Owen in the eye
Eat
Not enough Elmo today: Request more Elmo
Make sure that toys with multiple parts are never in the same place at the same time
Beg for more food
Torture parents at 2 a.m.

This list? Proves how smart 2-year-olds are. Because they know when they are little demons, they must make up for it by being heartbreakingly adorable. There is just enough cute to balance out all of the torture.

Avery has had a few nights in her life where she ramped up the regular torture that is "Garden Variety Waking Up The Parents At Night" with "Must Freak Out and Make Everyone Miserable." We're talking all out tantrums. We survived two nights in a row a few months back, and then last week, here we go again. After Alan fell asleep on her floor one night just to get her to calm down, I refused to cave the next night. I tried to reason with her, I fought with her for an hour to try to get her to please shut up so as not to wake Owen up. She just kept yelling about her dolly, Golly: GOLLY GOLLY GOLLY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY GOLLY! GOLLY MOMMY!! GOLLY MOMMY! GOLLY GOLLY GOLLY!!! An hour, folks. I would ask her what she needed, what on earth she needed from her doll, and she would WHISPER. Just to mess with me. I swear, I thought I was going to choke her doll out. At one point I was squeezing it so hard that I was surprised I didn't squeeze the stuffing out. She finally snapped out of it once Owen started, inevitably, crying, and she went back to sleep.

You'd think that in the middle of the night, maybe she was afraid! Maybe she had a nightmare! You'd like to give these people the benefit of the doubt but BE NOT A FOOL. Because then. Putting her down for bed the next night? Oh oh OH.

Avery's bedtime routine, I may have mentioned, is elaborate and we tuck in hands and feet and kiss dolls and make sure all is just right so she can peacefully drift off to sleep. She never gives us trouble at bedtime, so the night after the crazy tantrum, she decides that bedtime shouldn't be too easy on me either. I go through the routine and soon after I leave the room she's hollering Golly, Golly. Holding up her doll. GOLLY GOLLY GOLLY MOMMY GOLLY GOLLY. I go in, hug, kiss, tuck. Leave. Repeat. Repeat.

After going back into her room several times over 15 or so minutes, she starts making more ridiculous requests. She wants Golly to kiss Tigger. No. Then she wants to sit in the chair. No. Then she wants me to sing the ABCs. As I start to sing the alphabet, I start laughing. Because, seriously? I'm doing a dog and pony show to get this girl to sleep. She's messing with me. She's seeing exactly what I will do. And she's loving it! She even said at one point "Avery laughing." Because yes, Avery you should be laughing at your idiot mother.

She looks cute until it's 2 a.m. and she's screaming about that doll for no reason.

So I left and called my mom so I wouldn't go back in the room. (Alan was at a work dinner.) She confirmed I am an idiot. And Avery eventually went from yelling GOLLY to being out like a light.

The next night at midnight? After figuring out GOLLY didn't work for her, she started screaming OUT MOMMY OUT OUT OUT MOMMY OUT MOMMY OUT OUT OUT. After checking on her the second time, she started requesting that I rub her tummy. Knowing she didn't have a tummyache she was just GETTING SMARTER, Alan and I let her yell RUB-A TUMMY until she passed out after five minutes or so. Alan and I were just glad that her requests were making more sense.

Cry it out? No. I was never able to really get on board with that. But you can GOLLY until you're blue in the face, Avery Anne.