We were ready to celebrate Halloween this year when Sandy rolled in and ruined everything. Just kidding. We actually weren't ready for Halloween at all, and Sandy, well, yes, she did ruin way more than Halloween.

Halloween just didn't seem like the biggest deal while we were dealing with all of that craziness, and it helped that I'd procrastinated costume decisions. And honestly, I was going the "cheap and lazy" route anyway and had planned to do either a cat (Avery) and mouse (Owen, because I think I had a mouse costume somewhere...) or a ballerina for Aves and possibly a tap dancer for Owen. (That's for you, Nikki.)

Maybe the most serious cat ever.

Cheshire grin.

 Even though Halloween was postponed, postponed again, and then canceled, we didn't let that get in the way of our fun. Luckily we'd hit up a pumpkin patch recently (maybe I'll get that post up by Christmas) so we celebrated by doing a little pumpkin carving in the 55-degree house and eating copious amounts of candy (me, for warmth). 

Digging out the ooey gooey.

 

A cat-ballerina perchance?

Owen could go as a vampire, what with all of his teeth.

I'm thinking of going pro.

So I'd have lots more wit and banter for you but guess who is crying? The vampire. Off to appease!

Sandy? Darn Near Wrecked 'Em!

Sandy was a bully. A big bully who made Irene look gentle, even though Irene was no joke herself. If you want to go back to high school analogies, Irene was to Sandy as a whisper is to a scream. Or blowing out birthday candles is to, well, a freaking hurricane.

As was the case with Irene, we knew Sandy was on the way. So we bought flashlights and canned goods and water and waited to weather the storm. Owen, the future meteorologist, likes to look outside on a normal day, so the wind whipping the trees had him twisting in his high chair to check out the conditions.

Hurricane damage could even be seen inside.

 Note the PJs. He wears them for like four days straight. 

Before the worst of the storm even hit, our neighbors had tree limbs down, hitting the fence that lines our driveway. The storm itself was actually pretty nerve-wracking. Whereas storms in Kansas are sudden and severe, they pass fairly quickly. This lasted for hours. And hours. And hours. And although it wasn't constant, the roaring gusts had us wincing and bracing ourselves. When you're hearing racket and loud noises outside, falling limbs and trash cans blowing away, you're just waiting for the moment something comes crashing through the window. Gusts blew water into our back door, which we were able to MacGyver and fix. Our grill tipped over, landing like a puzzle piece on our patio table, which we'd turned over in preparation for the storm.

We finally decided enough with the wincing, and we headed to the basement to watch every second of storm coverage on TV and feel slightly safer. We held onto power longer than I thought we would, and I was able to make dinner Monday night, watching a tree out the kitchen window and ready to take cover if I saw it crash to the ground. Because the worst of the storm was yet to come, we decided to camp out in the basement (and a big yay for it being finished and way more comf than it was during Irene). We finally lost power at 9:34 p.m. (give or take) and crashed out as we listened to what sounded like jets flying overhead.

We woke up the next morning with limbs in our driveway and yard, but our neighbors got the damage. Their fence was smashed in places, a huge tree branch crushed their picnic table and patio set. They are set for years with firewood.

Right after some of this came down, I saw a poor, terrified squirrel hanging on for dear life. He finally, finally scurried away. 

The jungle in the driveway. As I charge my phone. Which eats battery like candy.

Alan was off work the entire week last week. After a couple of days of being at home, we ventured out. A grocery store 30 minutes away was running on generators, so we got a few new items.

  Where is Halloween and what do I have to do to get some milk around here? 

My phone-charging-in-the-car buddy.

Minus some leaf splatter, our house is unscathed. We were extremely lucky. Extremely. The loss of power and heat was nothing compared to the heartbreaking devastation that's just a stone's throw away from us, whole houses and neighborhoods lost, memory-filled boardwalks gone. Even today, there are still people in our town without power; our downtown, just blocks away, is mostly shut down because power isn't back on. The stoplights aren't working. Our polling place moved. In the days right after the storm, it was the rare block that didn't have a huge tree down. Trees pulling chunks of earth and sidewalk with them? Everywhere.

A block away from us.

Stop. There's a tree down.

Another block over, another massive tree.

I will also just say how surreal it is to see hours-long lines for gasoline because so many people were lining up with gas cans to power generators for their homes and so many gas stations didn't have power to pump gas. I was able to get gas today for the first time and I still had to wait 20 minutes. Also weird? Having almost no cell reception. It was just wiped out...I had to try a dozen times per text I sent out, and calls would drop before I even connected.

Luckily, we have a gas stove for cooking, but not having heat gets old quickly, especially when you have two kids to keep warm. Luckily Avery is a toaster, and her room is the most well-insulated, and she demands three blankets, so she stayed pretty cozy. Owen, on the other hand, wasn't as successful sleeping on his own in a 55-degree bedroom. (High maintenance!) So he napped strapped to us and snuggled with me at night. Having him, Marti, and Toaster Sr., Alan, I didn't have a problem staying warm overnight. It just really, really sucked to get out of bed in the morning. And showers? Ha. We barely even changed our clothes.

The positives? We did make memories, although two of us won't remember any of them.

Or will any of us remember them? 

Daddy/daughter fire building.

 Lots of reading and snuggling.

When power finally kicked back on on Friday night, I was so relieved. I didn't realize how stressful it was until I didn't have to fret about food and heat any more. It's one thing when it's you, but it's another when it's cute little kiddos whose hands get cold.

So there you have it. Sandy. I'll have more (hopefully soon) on the lack of Halloween and other fun stuff. Remain on the edge of your seats. And now Owen is crying, because "Where is MAMA?? She slept next to me for FOUR DAYS and now I cannot sleep without her!" So bye!

Conversations with Alan

Alan and I celebrate seven years of marriage today. I won't get all mushy gushy here; it's a family show, after all. But I will say that I love him more than the day we were married, and trust me, I loved him a lot then. It's crazy days around here, but I can't imagine going through all of this crazy with anyone else. One of the best parts of my day is when he walks in that door, and not just because the kids are driving me bonkers, although, ok, yes, sometimes. He can still make me laugh until I can't breathe, puts up with me leaving cereal bowls with milk in them on the counter, and very importantly, he lets me sleep in when I've been up at night with babies and tantrummy toddlers.


The makes me laugh part? Very important. Here are just a few of our recent conversations that made me laugh.

Conversation 1
Me: I read this blog update by a woman who had to drop her daughter off for her first day of kindergarten and it made me really sad.
Alan: It'll be ok...we all go to kindergarten...
Me: I know...
Alan: We all die too.
Me: This is supposed to make me feel better?


Conversation 2
Me: I think I have bone cancer.
Alan (unfazed): Why's that?
Me: Well, I have this shooting pain in my ankle.
Alan: And?
Me: And my hip really hurts, but mostly in the morning.
Alan: Ok.
Me: And this knee pain, but that's more ligament..and less bone. [And then I proceed to crash to the ground as my leg gets caught as I'm putting on my pajamas.]
Alan: [Gives me a look that says "Diagnosis: Clumsy...and I rest my case."]

Conversation 3
Me: Mm?
Him: Mmmm.
Me: Mm mm.

Translation:
Me: Did you say something?
Him: What?
Me: Never mind, I thought you said something.

Yep. We're now officially at the stage when we can talk in grunts. I do love the familiarity that comes with time.

I didn't even yell at him while I was in labor. Now that's love.

I'll Even Spare You the Catastrophes Involving Bodily Fluids

Everyone in the house got sick last weekend. This is pretty much the worst thing that can happen because little people are a challenge on a good day. Throw in fever and aches and pains and coughs that they can't wrap their fevered little minds around and it's like trying to reason with a grizzly. Throw in potty training? It's like giving that grizzly a stun gun and telling it to go after Mama Bear.

Yes. The weekend really was that bad.

Avery kicked things off. And her attempts at infecting Owen, including chewing on teething rings and sharing, and coughing within an inch of his face, worked wonderfully and he started getting the sniffles too.

Poor little buddy.

So Monday rolled around. And I thought things would surely look brighter. After all, it couldn't get worse. Couldn't get worse than 103 degree fever. Couldn't get worse than Owen up practically every hour. Couldn't get worse than spending half the day in the bathroom with an Avery who will sit contentedly on the potty for an ETERNITY and then will pee the very second she stands up.

Everyone was feeling less feverish but still crummy. But bright spot: I had an appointment with the appliance repairman who was supposed to fix our refrigerator! The top shelf or part thereof had broken, thus we no longer had the shelf nor the drawer that houses all of our very important cheese. So the repairman shows up, I hear drilling, I hear fixing. He tells me that he fixed the side support for the shelf, but "this front part isn't covered...we'd have to order a whole new shelf to fix the front." I'm like, OK. Well, as long as it's fixed, I don't really care if there is this plastic part around the shelf itself.

He leaves. And I go to put the drawer back in. And the problem is exactly the same as before he showed up. The side support pulls away from the shelf; drawer not supported at all.

Problem, unresolved. I'm gonna need some of that Cool Whip.

I go outside to confront him Jersey-style and he sheepishly says, "Yeah...see, that front part supports everything...I was afraid of that...I'll have to get you a price on the part because it's not covered."

Yes. He did in fact admit to "fixing" my refrigerator when he knew it wasn't fixed in any way, shape or form. And 2) What good does spending $100 on a warranty do if it doesn't cover anything? My brain kind of exploded.

But I carried on with my day! I persevered! No appliance repairman with a shoddy work ethic will ruin my day!

So Avery naps, I deal with a couple of Owen "mishaps," and I take advantage of a napping Avery and do a video for work. I'm thinking I can still win here. I have the afternoon planned because I must go to the grocery store. I'd been putting it off because of the issue with the fridge, but it could be procrastinated no longer.

And then Avery gets up from her nap. And this is the mood I get.

And then I eat a cracker. Because sometimes mommy wants a cracker too. And I get this:

 

 Because if this isn't a totally normal reaction to someone eating a cracker, I don't know what is.

But even in the face of...this...I fail to give up. Because there are groceries to be bought! Must buy the groceries!

So I convince Avery that the grocery store is the most! fun! ever! and get her in the van. I grab Owen's car seat to load him up. And fall so incredibly hard right on my ass at the top of the stairs.

I had Owen in front of me and my purse on my right shoulder. As I was heading down the stairs, my purse got caught on the doorknob, yanking me back as I started down. All of a sudden I was on the ground (a common theme for me), Owen's car seat was on my leg, and Owen was looking at me totally unimpressed.

I would like to say that only my pride was injured, but it kinda hurt to land with a 20+ pound car seat on my knee.

My knees are always knobby, but the bruise isn't usually there.

Believe it or not, I still had the grocery store trip in me. Avery yelled the whole way there that she wanted out of her car seat, yet I refused to call the day a total wash. I get to the store and realize that I'd forgotten the baby carrier, so I wouldn't be able to strap Owen to me. This meant that he would take up the whole cart and Avery would take up the whole front basket part of the cart. Even here I'm like, Nope, DOING THIS THING. I will just pack as much food as possible around both of the kids!

I get Owen in the cart. I get Avery in the cart. Then Avery pulls her best diva "Oh helllz no" and starts trying to stand up in the cart. This is finally when I'm like "Oh hellz no" myself. Because I will put up with a lot in a day, but I apparently draw the line at dragging two kids through the grocery store when one of them wants to holler about their wish to escape the whole time and just might jump out for real. So I loaded them right back up just as quickly as I'd unloaded them.

Then we went to the park where Avery behaved like a normal human and I managed not to injure or maim myself further.

I did finally make it to the store after the kids went to bed. And got home to discover that in my feeling like a world conqueror for getting my work video done, I'd totally forgotten that I still had writing to do for the next day. A case of the Mondays? I think it qualifies.

Seeing Double

Is it cool to dress like your kids? Because if so, I'm the coolest.



I don't think it's a good thing that I dress like a 2-year-old girl AND a 6-month-old boy. Although, at least I'm wearing makeup for picture two for the first time in, oh, 159 days or so.

2-Year-Old To-Dos

They don't look completely crazy because you might try to send them back. Just kidding. HA. HA.

The to-do list in a 2-year-old's brain must go a little something like this:

Eat
Watch Elmo
Torture parents
Tantrum
Be adorable
Watch Elmo
Eat
Say adorable things
Torture parents
Beg for more food
Kiss Owen
Bring out toys while mommy puts toys away
Tantrum
Bring out more of the cuteness
Act like I'm going to climb out of the crib
Go all the way upstairs, faster than daddy, get in Owen's room, shut the door behind self, poke Owen in the face
Tantrum
Watch Elmo
Torture parents
More cuteness, must balance torture
Poke Owen in the eye
Eat
Not enough Elmo today: Request more Elmo
Make sure that toys with multiple parts are never in the same place at the same time
Beg for more food
Torture parents at 2 a.m.

This list? Proves how smart 2-year-olds are. Because they know when they are little demons, they must make up for it by being heartbreakingly adorable. There is just enough cute to balance out all of the torture.

Avery has had a few nights in her life where she ramped up the regular torture that is "Garden Variety Waking Up The Parents At Night" with "Must Freak Out and Make Everyone Miserable." We're talking all out tantrums. We survived two nights in a row a few months back, and then last week, here we go again. After Alan fell asleep on her floor one night just to get her to calm down, I refused to cave the next night. I tried to reason with her, I fought with her for an hour to try to get her to please shut up so as not to wake Owen up. She just kept yelling about her dolly, Golly: GOLLY GOLLY GOLLY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY GOLLY! GOLLY MOMMY!! GOLLY MOMMY! GOLLY GOLLY GOLLY!!! An hour, folks. I would ask her what she needed, what on earth she needed from her doll, and she would WHISPER. Just to mess with me. I swear, I thought I was going to choke her doll out. At one point I was squeezing it so hard that I was surprised I didn't squeeze the stuffing out. She finally snapped out of it once Owen started, inevitably, crying, and she went back to sleep.

You'd think that in the middle of the night, maybe she was afraid! Maybe she had a nightmare! You'd like to give these people the benefit of the doubt but BE NOT A FOOL. Because then. Putting her down for bed the next night? Oh oh OH.

Avery's bedtime routine, I may have mentioned, is elaborate and we tuck in hands and feet and kiss dolls and make sure all is just right so she can peacefully drift off to sleep. She never gives us trouble at bedtime, so the night after the crazy tantrum, she decides that bedtime shouldn't be too easy on me either. I go through the routine and soon after I leave the room she's hollering Golly, Golly. Holding up her doll. GOLLY GOLLY GOLLY MOMMY GOLLY GOLLY. I go in, hug, kiss, tuck. Leave. Repeat. Repeat.

After going back into her room several times over 15 or so minutes, she starts making more ridiculous requests. She wants Golly to kiss Tigger. No. Then she wants to sit in the chair. No. Then she wants me to sing the ABCs. As I start to sing the alphabet, I start laughing. Because, seriously? I'm doing a dog and pony show to get this girl to sleep. She's messing with me. She's seeing exactly what I will do. And she's loving it! She even said at one point "Avery laughing." Because yes, Avery you should be laughing at your idiot mother.

She looks cute until it's 2 a.m. and she's screaming about that doll for no reason.

So I left and called my mom so I wouldn't go back in the room. (Alan was at a work dinner.) She confirmed I am an idiot. And Avery eventually went from yelling GOLLY to being out like a light.

The next night at midnight? After figuring out GOLLY didn't work for her, she started screaming OUT MOMMY OUT OUT OUT MOMMY OUT MOMMY OUT OUT OUT. After checking on her the second time, she started requesting that I rub her tummy. Knowing she didn't have a tummyache she was just GETTING SMARTER, Alan and I let her yell RUB-A TUMMY until she passed out after five minutes or so. Alan and I were just glad that her requests were making more sense.

Cry it out? No. I was never able to really get on board with that. But you can GOLLY until you're blue in the face, Avery Anne.

He's Happy and He Knows It

Sometimes a good giggle happens when you're dressed in your sister's shirt. Them are the breaks. Also, love his face at the end.