Cock-a-Doodle Halloween!

The $10 I spend on Marti's Halloween costumes is maybe the best money I spend at Target all year. Marti thinks she's getting a present, and we get to laugh at her dressed up as various other animals. Marti the Moose was one of my faves in 2007, and I loved her as a bumblebee last year. They were a little picked over by the time we got in this year to make our purchase, so the barnyard theme was the only medium costume available. Luckily, Marti is also cute as a rooster.


The wings are absolutely my favorite part of the whole getup.

There is always some trouble with the heads staying on, but the side-rooster-head look is cute too.


Each year, Marti has gotten a little less squirmy when I've put on her costume. I think she knows she'll be in it for all of five minutes, she'll get a few treats while I snap pictures and then she can exact her revenge:


It's a win-win for everyone. Except the rooster.

Since We Been Gone

Is there anybody out there? (lights flash around the cold Atlantic)

If there is anybody still out there, checking in, hoping upon hope that I'll update...HERE IT IS!

It's be a crazy/busy/insane/hectic/stressful/wonderful time lately, so I'm sure you'll forgive the absence.

Since we left California we've...

1) Driven across 13 states to get to New Jersey. Want the list? California, Nevada, Utah, Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey. West Virginia barely counts because it lasted all of a blink, but we figured if you see the "Welcome to STATE" sign, it counts. The drive East was much prettier than the drive West. Thank goodness those western-bound folks back in the day had California and Oregon waiting for them otherwise I imagine there would have been a lot of suicides in Utah and Nevada.

2) Gotten to spend time with family and friends. While Alan was deservedly relaxing his ass off in our month "homeless," I had to keep working. I got so good at setting up my computer and Vonage phone to various modems and routers that I could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind my back. I feel like I didn't put in a solid week of work the whole time, but I appeared to be working, and that counts for something.

3) Gone to Disney World! Oh my gosh. That place is magical. My face hurt for the first two hours, I swear.

4) Gone on a lovely vacation to the Bahamas that included dolphins, copious amounts of piña coladas, amazing beaches and relaxation until I was giddy.

5) Moved into our apartment in New Jersey. Considering that we just picked it on the basis of one drive-by and online pictures, we're very pleased. It's almost twice as big as our previous apartment, has a walk-in closet and a workout room. Plus, Alan doesn't have to rough up his soft hands because we now have a dishwasher.

6) Gotten lost about 10 times because there is no method to the madness when it comes to streets around here. There is no standard north/south/east/west grid layout. No numbered streets to guide you. It's all named streets. Curved named streets that twist and turn and wind. There is no creativity, so roads and town names are repeated everywhere. We go by landmarks instead, so it's "You take a left at Just Plain Dave's" or "There's the pet hospital...we're almost home!" Needless to say, Garmin has been our best friend.

7) Gotten in a hilarious road-rage incident that involved a skinny man yelling at us at a stoplight in the rain. A semi couldn't make a turn, so we backed up to give the guy in front of us room to let the semi by. Apparently the 10 feet we gave him to back up just wasn't enough, so after what felt like two minutes of cars honking, he got out his car, making a pushing motion with his arms telling us to BACK UP! It was the most absurd and awesome road-rage incident ever.

8) Started looking at houses. It's simultaneously fun and exciting and torturous and discouraging. We just want something in our price range that doesn't look condemned. Is that so much to ask?


But New Jersey has been great so far. Lots of rain. Lots of beautiful leaves on the trees. Alan and I have decided that the reason NJ gets such a bad rap is because people here have no confidence in their state. "You moved here from where!?" Come on, New Jersey! You've got a lot to offer! It's beautiful. At least in the fall.

Moving on...again

Our time in California is winding down. The movers came yesterday and packed up our apartment, so we've got three more nights' sleep on an air mattress until we move out of here. Bless those movers. They come in and pack and load everything, down to the paper towels I had set aside to do the final cleanup. We even had a separate company to pack for our massive flat-screen TV. How precious is that?



Funny story about the movers. Super nice guys; one of them shared our last name, which doesn't happen often. They were down packing our storage unit, and I noticed that the microwave that had been sitting in the common laundry room had been moved out into the garage next to our storage unit. I made sure they knew it wasn't ours, and in doing so said that it had been sitting in the laundry room for months and I had no idea what was going on with it or why it had been moved. So hours later, after our storage unit had been emptied, I noticed that the microwave had gone missing. I asked about it and Shared-Last-Name was like, "Yeah, I took it. You said it had been in the laundry room forever and I have a buddy who needs a microwave."

Um....Ok? I'm all for someone taking something and getting use out of it, but WHO DOES THAT!? Plus, if the microwave was moved from the laundry room, someone obviously moved it...and maybe it belongs to that somebody? Oh, movers. You crack me up.

It seems like just yesterday that Alan and I packed up and headed out to California. Now, we're sitting in a near-empty apartment on an air mattress, getting ready for another long haul. We leave on Sunday. And while I'm really excited to move out and move on, there is a part of me that's a little heartbroken about leaving the West Coast. We've had so much fun out here and so many adventures. It's just sad to close a door, even if another equally exciting and adventure-filled journey lies just down the road. Or way, way across the country.

I'm trying not to be too sad, though. Sure, I'll miss the beautiful weather (although there are those hot spells) and the strawberries the size of my hand.


But honestly, as much as I love California, as long as this guy's with me, I'm home no matter where I am.

Mighty Yosemite

In our last few weeks in California, Alan and I have been busy trying to cram in a few things we'd wanted to do while we were out here. We knew it would be a travesty if we didn't make it to Yosemite, so a few weeks ago we drove up on a Saturday and did a much-too-short whirlwind tour of the park. Honestly, it's a travesty that it took us this long to get there. I would have loved to have been able to go a few times and go on some of the hikes that I'm sure are amazing. As it was, we got to look at a lot of great scenery, but we didn't have the time to explore the zillion hiking trails there.

We did arrive at about dusk on a Saturday, though, and were able to hit a grove of sequoias that had a short hike to a tree called the Grizzly Giant. Even at dusk it took your breath away (and that's not just because we were literally out of breath after having to sprint to the end of the hike because of the darkness). You can't even fathom how huge and amazing these trees are until you're up close and personal, but this picture of an uprooted fallen sequoia might give you a good idea of how awesome they are:


That picture needs no explanation because it is just CRAZY.

Even Marti came out to enjoy nature at its finest. I'm wearing my glasses because they're not kidding when they say that hydrogen peroxide contact lens cleaner "only works with provided contact case" and that it will burn like hell if it touches your eyes. I was later able to throw my contacts in after major rinsing with saline, but it was a scarring experience. Almost literally.


Alan winks with Half Dome in the background.


The views at every stop are amazing. This is a view down into the valley; you can see one of the waterfalls.

Yosemite was so awe-inspiring that I think if I had another month out here I'd be able to convince Alan to go camping in the park. Alan. Camping. I told you it was an amazing place.

Surfin' Safari

My former boss told me that one of the greatest places to visit in Northern California is Elkhorn Slough, an estuary/nature reserve close to Monterey. It had been on my to-do list for two years, but Alan and I finally got down there earlier this summer and it did not disappoint. It's basically a salt marsh along the coastline that is home to lots of wildlife—sea otters, seals, sea lions, and birds.


I think there are trails to walk, but we rented a kayak for a few hours and that was really the way to go. Besides getting to see Safari Alan...

...we got to get up close and personal with all of the animals. You're supposed to give the wildlife a wide berth, but it is nearly impossible to stay far away from them. The sea lions and seals can pop up in the water right in front of you at any moment. At times it felt like Jaws.



We even saw a sea otter battling with a crab. You can see the crab in this photo sticking out of the water. It was a fight to the death; I'm sure the sea otter came out on top.

After a few hours of nature, we navigated our way back through the slough, Alan with a blister and me, jeans wet from the waist down. Note: Water "skirts" only serve to prevent water seepage when they don't have holes in them. Note No. 2: Following suggestions from the kayak rental facility can save the day when you have the extra clothes you need after a kayaking trip. Good thing I follow directions.

Santa, Revisited

Hold on to your britches, folks. Two blog posts in two days. Oh my!

Faithful readers may remember a post in which I talked about Marti's little stuffed Santa. Although the pug has ripped the stuffing out of too many stuffed toys to count (see also: Mr. Hedges), there is no question that Santa is her absolute favorite (thanks Crystal!). I swear the pug only parts with Saint Nick when he's in "the operating room" (aka the bookshelf) waiting to get his latest hole patched up.

Here is Santa in 2006:

Sure, he was missing an arm and a leg, but Santa was still looking pretty good.

Here is Santa now. WARNING! Not for the faint of heart:






It's true that Santa still looks bright and shiny. This is because I'm not afraid to throw Marti's entourage in a scalding wash cycle. But as you can see in the photos, Santa's falling apart. Exhibit A is what I call "Santa's Cuff." Exhibit B is what I call "Santa's Hand." And Exhibit C, well, that's Santa with his stub of an arm. What you probably can't see is the slit across Santa's forehead and the fact that he has one threadbare patch that is barely keeping the stuffing from shooting out of his nose.

When Santa's Cuff and Santa's Hand became detached, Marti thought she had two new toys. They have since disappeared; she either ate them or they're stuck under the couch. I don't know how Santa's Right Leg has managed to get by unscathed, but I'm patiently waiting for the day when Santa's Hat Ball becomes Marti's next target.

Breathing Easy...In More Ways Than One

So Alan can breathe now. That sounds weird, I know, because what was he doing all of this time if he couldn't breathe, right? Perfecting the art of one-nostril breathing, that's what.

The poor guy broke his nose as a teen and has been suffering ever since. So, for more than half his life he's been unable to breathe properly. And has suffered monstrous headaches as a result. And has gotten crazy-addicted to the only cure he could find: Afrin. (Which by the way, is the most amazing over-the-counter drug ever. If you have a cold and can't breathe, GET IT.)

So after some nagging from his loving wife, I finally convinced him to chat to his doctor about his nose. Which led to seeing an ear/nose/throat guru. Which led to a CT scan of his noggin. Which led to OH MY GOSH HIS NOSE IS SEVERELY JACKED UP.

But after going through all of the leg work, he just couldn't get around to scheduling the surgery to fix the deviated septum and turbinates that were effectively blocking his nose. Too busy, blah blah. So I nagged. And nagged. I must have emailed him with the surgery coordinator's phone number at least 10 times. I think he was getting grouchy about my nagging.

But guess what?After an hour of surgery, a couple of days with bloody tampons shoved up his nose and a huge wad of cotton taped to his face, guess who can breathe? Alan. And guess who he is forever grateful to for the nagging? That's right.

So, after that victory for my husband's health, here we were last week. Alan had to take a drug test and pass a background check for his new job. The boy has never touched a drug in his life, and although he did have a warrant in Kansas City for an unpaid ticket, he's had that cleared up for months. I reassured him that all would be fine and that he was worrying for NO REASON. But his paranoia was such that you would have thought he was an ex-convict with track marks on his arms. He was paranoid that the three pain capsules he took after his surgery would show up. He was worried that his Flintstone's chewables would turn into, I don't know, CRACK, on the drug test. I'm only exaggerating slightly.

Now, we're coming up on leaving in just a couple of weeks. We have an apartment set up in New Jersey. The wheels are in motion for our mega lifestyle change. So I can see why he'd be a little nervous. After all, we didn't need a Seinfeld poppyseed drug test failure moment.

After barely squeaking out enough pee to even take the drug test, guess whose urine was as clean as the day he was born? Alan. And guess who is getting a track record of being right a lot lately? That's right.