The Balloon

When Owen turned 3 last year, we got a Lightning McQueen helium balloon that made its home on our ceiling for almost two months. It became a fixture when it lasted week after week. At almost two months, it started floating around the house, following me wherever I'd go --- eventually.

This birthday balloon has been hanging around our house since February 26. We decided to see how long it would last. After hanging on our living room ceiling for almost two months, this week it decided to follow us upstairs. Now it's in hover mode, dancing from room to room. It's a little creepy but I've kind of grown fond of him.

A photo posted by Erin (@fitbottomedmama) on Apr 22, 2015 at 6:46am PDT

It was an interesting study in the air currents in our house. It made it all the way upstairs to the bedrooms and we discovered the ceiling fans were not friendly to our friend. It floated by me as I sat in the kitchen one day and eventually disappeared into the basement where it hovered for a couple of more weeks until we finally said goodbye.

This year, when Owen turned 4, we got the identical Lightning McQueen balloon and another one. Lightning made it even longer than his predecessor and it was only a couple of weeks ago that we bid him adieu. The second one was still hanging solid on our dining room ceiling a whopping four months later.

Emery has been sleeping phenomenally since about April. Not a peep overnight; it has truly been bliss. I wasn't aware that she has just been saving up for a rough night. And of course she waited for the ideal week to strike. A week when I was dealing with pink eye, a sinus infection and an ear infection. I go for the trifecta when I get sick. It's just not worth it if I can't get every single one of the toddler diseases at one time.

So I wasn't feeling especially awesome the night she decided to wake up at 3 a.m. I'd already woken up to take Owen back to bed after he'd snuck in with me. So I laid Emery back down and was trying to get her to fall asleep when I heard Owen yelling "Daddy!" Alan goes in and finds Giraffee. Helps Avery go pee. In the meantime, I've left Emery's room and hear Alan go in to try to soothe her because whatever I did didn't do the trick. She was still highly unhappy with life, so I went in and made the mistake of bringing her in bed with me. I couldn't breathe, my eye was matted shut and I just wanted sleep. But in Emery's mind, it was 8 in the morning and she was ready to party. I dozed a little and Em would beam at me whenever I'd open my eyes. At 5:45, I'd had enough, and I knew she'd be miserable if she didn't sleep longer, so I threw her in bed, and of course she cried for 2.4 minutes before passing out cold and exhausted. Kicking myself for not putting her back in bed sooner, I tried to settle down and fall back asleep even though the sun was already shining in my face.

Just as I was falling asleep after three hours of bullshit, I'm jolted awake. THWACK THWACK THWACK. I bolt upright to find that our friend the helium balloon has chosen that moment out of more than FOUR MONTHS OF MOMENTS to make its way upstairs and find its way to our ceiling fan. Have you ever heard a ceiling fan hit a balloon on repeat? It sounds like a helicopter is landing in your bed but more violent.

Alan, bless his heart, was in deep slumber, and because I wasn't, I was able to more quickly assess the situation, grab the stupid balloon and throw him in the closet.

It's a testament to how sick I was and my level of dedication to sleep at all costs that I managed to fall asleep again after that. This balloon didn't get the freedom to roam around the house to find his own resting place. I found his damn resting place in our closet.